Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The 40 Runner’s Commandments
I saw this on I <3 to run on facebook and had to share. :)
The 40 Runner’s Commandments
by Joe Kelly
1. Don’t be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner, not even other whiners.
2. Walking out the door is often the toughest part of a run.
3. Don’t make running your life. Make it part of your life.
4. Keep promises, especially ones made to yourself.
5. The faster you are the less you should talk about your times.
6. Keep a quarter in your pocket. One day you’ll need to call for a ride.
7. Don’t compare yourself to other runners.
8. All runners are equal, some are just faster than others.
9. Keep in mind that the later in the day it gets, the more likely it is that you won’t run.
10. For a change of pace, get driven out and then run back.
11. If it was easy, everybody would be a runner.
12. When standing in starting lines, remind yourself how fortunate you are to be there.
13. Getting out of shape is much easier than getting into shape.
14. A bad day of running still beats a good day at work.
15. Don’t talk about your running injuries. People don’t want to hear about your sore knee or black toe.
16. Don’t always run alone.
17. Don’t always run with people.
18. Approach running as if the quality of your life depended on it.
19. No matter how slow, your run is still faster than someone sitting on a couch.
20. Keep in mind that the harder you run during training, the luckier you’ll get during racing.
21. Races aren’t just for those who can run fast.
22. There are no shortcuts to running excellence.
23. The best runs sometimes come on days when you didn’t feel like running.
24. There is nothing boring about running. There are, however, boring people who run.
25. Distance running is like cod liver oil. At first it makes you feel awful, then it makes you feel better.
26. Never throw away the instructions to your running watch.
27. Don’t try to outrun dogs.
28. Don’t wait for perfect weather. If you do, you won’t run very often.
29. When tempted to stop being a runner, make a list of the reasons you started.
30. Without goals, training has no purpose.
31. Go for broke, but be prepared to be broken.
32. Spend more time running on the roads than sitting on the couch.
33. Make progress in your training, but progress at your own rate.
34. “Winning” means different things to different people.
35. Unless you make your living as a runner, don’t take running too seriously.
36. Never tell a runner that he or she doesn’t look good in tights.
37. Never confuse the Ben-Gay tube with the toothpaste tube.
38. Preventing running injuries is easier than curing them.
39. Running is simple. Don’t make it complicated.
40. Running is always enjoyable. Sometimes, though, the joy doesn’t come until the end of the run.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Diagnosis
Well, I have a diagnosis.
It isn't what I wanted. It isn't what the specialist wanted. Not good news.
I was hoping and praying that it would be something simple. Something we could treat easily. I had a feeling it wouldn't be that way, but I was hoping. The specialist ran some preliminary tests before my biopsy and it indicated one cause, but then my biopsy showed something different. Dr. Thompson (my specialist) doesn't sound like he's entirely ruled out the first cause, but the biopsy pretty much gives a grim picture for me. Not the news I wanted to hear.
I had my follow up with him on Wednesday. I haven't told a lot of people yet what's going on. I don't want the sympathy. I don't want people looking at me like a sick person and their nosey 50,000 questions I do not want to answer. I know I'm sick. I know I have serious issues going on. Believe me, I know. I now have 8 medications I take on a daily basis. Believe me, I have a constant reminder that I'm sick.
Dr. Thompson keeps trying to tell me what a normal life I can lead, but all I keep thinking about is how sick I am. I hate being sick. I hate that I have to stop and think about what I'm eating, what I'm drinking, how high my blood pressure is, if something is going to make my blood sugar spike. These are constant thoughts in my head. My anxiety is at an all time high. I meant to mention that to Dr. Thompson the other day because it's starting to affect my sleep and I never had trouble sleeping before.
I'm scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. I hate this feeling like everything is out of my control. I hate not knowing any answers or even knowing what caused me to get sick. I think that's what bothers me the most.
I HAVE NO REASON OR CAUSE WHY I'M SICK.
Just that I'm sick. We can't figure out what's caused me to get sick. I don't know if it's hereditary because we have a high incidence of problems like this in my family. I don't know if it's an auto-immune disorder like Dr. Thompson suspects, but can't seem to find the cause.
I hate that I have to constantly think about if I'm going to be hot or cold or if I'm going to be able to eat or where I'm going to be able to eat things. I hate that I have to limit my potatoes because I love potatoes. I miss caffeine. I miss having a good salty snack.
I was angry with God for a while. I don't know why he caused me to get sick - because I do not want to be sick. I don't want to have to deal with all of this, but at the same time, I'm not ready to give up either. I feel like I have so much to give to life and so much to do in my life. It's just so frustrating. I guess I'm still kind of angry. Not just with God, but with my primary care physician for seeing the symptoms and allowing me to fall through the cracks and misdiagnose me until it was too late to do anything preventative. i had to get really sick before they would even refer me somewhere. That makes me angry.
I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. Most people would presume I am healthy to look at me because I'm not weak. I have a normal energy level. I'm not pale. I have all my hair. I don't have a physical handicap or anything external that would make me appear to be sick. I'm still able to go to work and live my normal, everyday life. I guess I should be thankful for that because someone as sick as I am should feel bad and not have energy, but I do.
I keep trying to remind myself that there's a reason God has put me on this path that I'm on. There's a reason he allowed me to get sick and allowed me to go through all of this. I'm trying to find that reason. I'm trying to understand. Maybe it isn't for me to understand or to know. Maybe it's just my job to trust in Him to provide and work things out. It's hard not to worry about it or be anxious though. My life is hanging in the balance here and what's scary is that things will get worse before they get better. They're going to get much worse before they get better. Maybe not. But I have a very long road ahead of me.
It isn't what I wanted. It isn't what the specialist wanted. Not good news.
I was hoping and praying that it would be something simple. Something we could treat easily. I had a feeling it wouldn't be that way, but I was hoping. The specialist ran some preliminary tests before my biopsy and it indicated one cause, but then my biopsy showed something different. Dr. Thompson (my specialist) doesn't sound like he's entirely ruled out the first cause, but the biopsy pretty much gives a grim picture for me. Not the news I wanted to hear.
I had my follow up with him on Wednesday. I haven't told a lot of people yet what's going on. I don't want the sympathy. I don't want people looking at me like a sick person and their nosey 50,000 questions I do not want to answer. I know I'm sick. I know I have serious issues going on. Believe me, I know. I now have 8 medications I take on a daily basis. Believe me, I have a constant reminder that I'm sick.
Dr. Thompson keeps trying to tell me what a normal life I can lead, but all I keep thinking about is how sick I am. I hate being sick. I hate that I have to stop and think about what I'm eating, what I'm drinking, how high my blood pressure is, if something is going to make my blood sugar spike. These are constant thoughts in my head. My anxiety is at an all time high. I meant to mention that to Dr. Thompson the other day because it's starting to affect my sleep and I never had trouble sleeping before.
I'm scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. I hate this feeling like everything is out of my control. I hate not knowing any answers or even knowing what caused me to get sick. I think that's what bothers me the most.
I HAVE NO REASON OR CAUSE WHY I'M SICK.
Just that I'm sick. We can't figure out what's caused me to get sick. I don't know if it's hereditary because we have a high incidence of problems like this in my family. I don't know if it's an auto-immune disorder like Dr. Thompson suspects, but can't seem to find the cause.
I hate that I have to constantly think about if I'm going to be hot or cold or if I'm going to be able to eat or where I'm going to be able to eat things. I hate that I have to limit my potatoes because I love potatoes. I miss caffeine. I miss having a good salty snack.
I was angry with God for a while. I don't know why he caused me to get sick - because I do not want to be sick. I don't want to have to deal with all of this, but at the same time, I'm not ready to give up either. I feel like I have so much to give to life and so much to do in my life. It's just so frustrating. I guess I'm still kind of angry. Not just with God, but with my primary care physician for seeing the symptoms and allowing me to fall through the cracks and misdiagnose me until it was too late to do anything preventative. i had to get really sick before they would even refer me somewhere. That makes me angry.
I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. Most people would presume I am healthy to look at me because I'm not weak. I have a normal energy level. I'm not pale. I have all my hair. I don't have a physical handicap or anything external that would make me appear to be sick. I'm still able to go to work and live my normal, everyday life. I guess I should be thankful for that because someone as sick as I am should feel bad and not have energy, but I do.
I keep trying to remind myself that there's a reason God has put me on this path that I'm on. There's a reason he allowed me to get sick and allowed me to go through all of this. I'm trying to find that reason. I'm trying to understand. Maybe it isn't for me to understand or to know. Maybe it's just my job to trust in Him to provide and work things out. It's hard not to worry about it or be anxious though. My life is hanging in the balance here and what's scary is that things will get worse before they get better. They're going to get much worse before they get better. Maybe not. But I have a very long road ahead of me.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Diagnosis?
I still don't have a diagnosis as to what's causing my health problems. I had my biopsy done on Thursday. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm a little stiff and I woke up sore some this morning, but I also apparently slept on my stomach last night and I haven't done that since my biopsy last week. It hurt too much, so I must be feeling better.
The doctor cleared me for exercise, but no heavy lifting for a week. So, I've gone ahead and gone to class this week. Working out with Cody twice a day Monday and once yesterday. He wouldn't let me join his class at noon yesterday. I'm fairly sure he thinks I'm pushing myself too hard.
The doctor cleared me for exercise, but no heavy lifting for a week. So, I've gone ahead and gone to class this week. Working out with Cody twice a day Monday and once yesterday. He wouldn't let me join his class at noon yesterday. I'm fairly sure he thinks I'm pushing myself too hard.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Health Issues
So, I mentioned something about this in my last post. I apparently am havin gsome health problems. I didn't realize it. I feel okay. I don't feel sick, but I apparently have something going on. I haven't mentioned anything specific to a lot of people yet. Really the only people who know are my immediate family and a few close friends.
Yes, I know I talk A LOT. I know it seems like I'm always asking for attention - what can I say? I'm the youngest. that's what we do. However, this was something I've kind of felt like keeping close to the heart this time.
It's been a lot for me to deal with. I pretty much had a full-on freak out in the specialist's office when I went to see him and he told me what was going on. If you haven't picked up by now, I'm a fairly emotional person. I can cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it's there before I even realize it. Apparently, it's my coping tool.
I have to have some specialized testing done this week. A biopsy to be be specific. I'm nervous and scared and anxious. All the other biopsies I've had done on other parts of my body were all done in the doctor's office and were not on a major organ. It's a bit scary for me.
I'm scared. I'm scared they'll find out I have some kind of rare disease that's un-treatable. I'm afraid they're going to go in and find out that my kidneys are worse than expected or that they're going to have to keep me in the hospital. I'm afraid that they'll find something else wrong with me while I'm in there.
Yes, I relize it could be the opposite. They could actually find out what's going on and it could be easily treated.
I've been through so many changes in medication, diet and my lifestyle lately that things just feel like they're spinning out of control. I hate that. I am a creature of habit and I don't like changes to my schedule or expectations without some advance notice. It's just a lot to digest. A lot to take in.
It's rough having a doctor shoot straight with you and tell you that one of your organs is performs like it's 40 years older than you are. With our family history, it's very scary for me.
I think the worst part of it all is that feel sick. I don't feel bad. I feel perfectly normal and healthy. I have plenty of energy. I worked out Monday, and did 2 workouts yesterday. There haven't been any changes in my appetite or bodily functions (that I've noticed) and I don't appear sick. However, according to the doctor, I'm pretty sick. That's what I don't understand. If I really am sick, wouldn't I feel sick? One would think so. It's hard to wrap your head around something when you can't see what the doctor sees or don't feel sick.
Yes, I know I talk A LOT. I know it seems like I'm always asking for attention - what can I say? I'm the youngest. that's what we do. However, this was something I've kind of felt like keeping close to the heart this time.
It's been a lot for me to deal with. I pretty much had a full-on freak out in the specialist's office when I went to see him and he told me what was going on. If you haven't picked up by now, I'm a fairly emotional person. I can cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it's there before I even realize it. Apparently, it's my coping tool.
I have to have some specialized testing done this week. A biopsy to be be specific. I'm nervous and scared and anxious. All the other biopsies I've had done on other parts of my body were all done in the doctor's office and were not on a major organ. It's a bit scary for me.
I'm scared. I'm scared they'll find out I have some kind of rare disease that's un-treatable. I'm afraid they're going to go in and find out that my kidneys are worse than expected or that they're going to have to keep me in the hospital. I'm afraid that they'll find something else wrong with me while I'm in there.
Yes, I relize it could be the opposite. They could actually find out what's going on and it could be easily treated.
I've been through so many changes in medication, diet and my lifestyle lately that things just feel like they're spinning out of control. I hate that. I am a creature of habit and I don't like changes to my schedule or expectations without some advance notice. It's just a lot to digest. A lot to take in.
It's rough having a doctor shoot straight with you and tell you that one of your organs is performs like it's 40 years older than you are. With our family history, it's very scary for me.
I think the worst part of it all is that feel sick. I don't feel bad. I feel perfectly normal and healthy. I have plenty of energy. I worked out Monday, and did 2 workouts yesterday. There haven't been any changes in my appetite or bodily functions (that I've noticed) and I don't appear sick. However, according to the doctor, I'm pretty sick. That's what I don't understand. If I really am sick, wouldn't I feel sick? One would think so. It's hard to wrap your head around something when you can't see what the doctor sees or don't feel sick.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Late night thoughts (a ramble not about weight loss)
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I gone to OU instead of choosing to go to a smaller college - NSU. With everything that happened while I was away at school and with everything that happened while I was at school, the bad choices I made... It just makes me wonder how things would be different now.
Would I be a college graduate? Would the outcomes of the decisions I made be different? Would I have chosen a different major? I certainly would have different friends from college - not that I'm in touch with any of them now. I've alienated all of them in one way or another. A fact I'm not particularly proud of, but it is the truth. I'm terrible at relationships. Something I'm trying to work on. It's hard work. Relationships, that is. Probably why I'm still single.
Getting to my point. I decided not to go to OU because I was accepted on a contingency basis. I would have to check-in with an academic adviser twice a week, was required to meet with a tutor at least once a week, had class attendance requirements and would have to maintain a higher GPA than was required by other students in my classes. The logical part of me knew it was for my own good. However, the rebellious 18 year old in me thought that was too much like high school and wondered why I should go to a college that was exactly like high school. (Which, it would have really been different, but I didn't see it that way at the time.)
Now that I'm old and would kind of like to get back into school - since I can see the benefits of finishing school, I can't really afford it and I have responsibilities. I also wonder if I would have started on the downward spiral I went down while I was away at school. I made a lot of bad decisions while I was at school because I didn't really have any support system. I wasn't active in a church. I had an uncle 30 minutes away, but I never talked to him or my cousins in Muskogee. Again, I had one set of friends the first semester that were great. Second semester was a different story. I think had my second semester been more like my first, I would have done a lot better at school. At least I had the desire to do better. I had an ambition to do better the second semester. But I had other things going on personally that I couldn't deal with along with school, but I knew that if I went home, I would have to actually face my problems and emotions. I wasn't ready to do that.
In their defense, the friends I had my first semester tried to talk to me about what was going on and tried to steer me in the right direction, but I didn't want anything to do with what they were telling me. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Since I decided to make bad choices socially and emotionally and even some bad physical decisions, I pushed them away too. My other set of friends were just convenient. I had one friend that helped me some. He was there for me when I would let him. However, I was content to hide my pain in whatever weird relationship we had. I kind of wish I'd stayed in contact with him. He was a nice guy and was actually pretty good for me when I would let him close to me.
I wonder if I had stayed in Norman, gone to OU, been close to my family, close to my church family and my friends how different things would be. I know I would be forced to deal with my problems head on, but I think in the long run, that would have been better for me than for me to run from them like I did. It probably would have saved me a lot of money having to re-take all the classes I failed the second semester (and believe me, I failed a lot) because I would have had someone looking over my shoulder pushing me to do better than I was and I would have had someone there behind me that I needed.
I guess the only thing that I can really say is that hindsight is truly 20/20. It's easy for me to see my mistakes now and attempt to keep from repeating them. Which is why I try so hard at relationships now. It's hard for me to see where I'm actually trying at relationships, and where I'm just being needy.
I always joke around about being emotionally stunted or socially behind because I had to be the adult for a few years in my house during my late teens and early 20s because no one else would remember to pay the bills or rent or get groceries. They were too absorbed in their own addictions. It was a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that now when there's a problem with a bill, I know where to go and what to do. The bad part is that I feel perpetually about 25. Not that that's terrible, but I'm 33. When everyone else my age was going through things to grow up and be a mature adult, I was having to deal with so many other more important things. I feel stunted and have no idea where to go from here. I know I should be more mature than I am, but when I try to be mature, I end up feeling about 50. It seems like I have no emotional or maturity medium. Either I'm way older than I should be or I'm way younger. Day by day, I feel like sometimes I never know where I'm going to be.
I've been dealing with some fairly serious health issues over the last few weeks. Culminating in a lovely, minor medical procedure I have to have on Thursday - which, by the way, I'd appreciate your prayer, good vibes/thoughts, etc. on that day. I'm scared/nervous/anxious about that. I'm not sure if my bad choices earlier in life led to this or where this has come from, but I've been feeling more like an adult than I have in a long time. Having to think about health insurance, deductibles and making life choices... it all feels so real. So... grown up. It's kind of hard to put into words. It also makes me think about the choices I've made in life. Which is how I got to this in the first place tonight (or this morning as it may be).
I don't expect anyone to have answers. I'm sure these are all issues that are best explored with a trained counselor or therapist or someone else along those lines. As I've lost weight, I shared before how I'm having to deal with a lot of emotions that I had been hiding with food, low self-esteem and my fat mentality. The culmination of having to face my health issues and emotional issues that seem to be appearing with my weight loss is making me face a lot of things lately. I'm not sure what to think about that. Just taking things day by day by day and depending on God to see me through things. I mean, we're not all promised tomorrow, right?
Would I be a college graduate? Would the outcomes of the decisions I made be different? Would I have chosen a different major? I certainly would have different friends from college - not that I'm in touch with any of them now. I've alienated all of them in one way or another. A fact I'm not particularly proud of, but it is the truth. I'm terrible at relationships. Something I'm trying to work on. It's hard work. Relationships, that is. Probably why I'm still single.
Getting to my point. I decided not to go to OU because I was accepted on a contingency basis. I would have to check-in with an academic adviser twice a week, was required to meet with a tutor at least once a week, had class attendance requirements and would have to maintain a higher GPA than was required by other students in my classes. The logical part of me knew it was for my own good. However, the rebellious 18 year old in me thought that was too much like high school and wondered why I should go to a college that was exactly like high school. (Which, it would have really been different, but I didn't see it that way at the time.)
Now that I'm old and would kind of like to get back into school - since I can see the benefits of finishing school, I can't really afford it and I have responsibilities. I also wonder if I would have started on the downward spiral I went down while I was away at school. I made a lot of bad decisions while I was at school because I didn't really have any support system. I wasn't active in a church. I had an uncle 30 minutes away, but I never talked to him or my cousins in Muskogee. Again, I had one set of friends the first semester that were great. Second semester was a different story. I think had my second semester been more like my first, I would have done a lot better at school. At least I had the desire to do better. I had an ambition to do better the second semester. But I had other things going on personally that I couldn't deal with along with school, but I knew that if I went home, I would have to actually face my problems and emotions. I wasn't ready to do that.
In their defense, the friends I had my first semester tried to talk to me about what was going on and tried to steer me in the right direction, but I didn't want anything to do with what they were telling me. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Since I decided to make bad choices socially and emotionally and even some bad physical decisions, I pushed them away too. My other set of friends were just convenient. I had one friend that helped me some. He was there for me when I would let him. However, I was content to hide my pain in whatever weird relationship we had. I kind of wish I'd stayed in contact with him. He was a nice guy and was actually pretty good for me when I would let him close to me.
I wonder if I had stayed in Norman, gone to OU, been close to my family, close to my church family and my friends how different things would be. I know I would be forced to deal with my problems head on, but I think in the long run, that would have been better for me than for me to run from them like I did. It probably would have saved me a lot of money having to re-take all the classes I failed the second semester (and believe me, I failed a lot) because I would have had someone looking over my shoulder pushing me to do better than I was and I would have had someone there behind me that I needed.
I guess the only thing that I can really say is that hindsight is truly 20/20. It's easy for me to see my mistakes now and attempt to keep from repeating them. Which is why I try so hard at relationships now. It's hard for me to see where I'm actually trying at relationships, and where I'm just being needy.
I always joke around about being emotionally stunted or socially behind because I had to be the adult for a few years in my house during my late teens and early 20s because no one else would remember to pay the bills or rent or get groceries. They were too absorbed in their own addictions. It was a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that now when there's a problem with a bill, I know where to go and what to do. The bad part is that I feel perpetually about 25. Not that that's terrible, but I'm 33. When everyone else my age was going through things to grow up and be a mature adult, I was having to deal with so many other more important things. I feel stunted and have no idea where to go from here. I know I should be more mature than I am, but when I try to be mature, I end up feeling about 50. It seems like I have no emotional or maturity medium. Either I'm way older than I should be or I'm way younger. Day by day, I feel like sometimes I never know where I'm going to be.
I've been dealing with some fairly serious health issues over the last few weeks. Culminating in a lovely, minor medical procedure I have to have on Thursday - which, by the way, I'd appreciate your prayer, good vibes/thoughts, etc. on that day. I'm scared/nervous/anxious about that. I'm not sure if my bad choices earlier in life led to this or where this has come from, but I've been feeling more like an adult than I have in a long time. Having to think about health insurance, deductibles and making life choices... it all feels so real. So... grown up. It's kind of hard to put into words. It also makes me think about the choices I've made in life. Which is how I got to this in the first place tonight (or this morning as it may be).
I don't expect anyone to have answers. I'm sure these are all issues that are best explored with a trained counselor or therapist or someone else along those lines. As I've lost weight, I shared before how I'm having to deal with a lot of emotions that I had been hiding with food, low self-esteem and my fat mentality. The culmination of having to face my health issues and emotional issues that seem to be appearing with my weight loss is making me face a lot of things lately. I'm not sure what to think about that. Just taking things day by day by day and depending on God to see me through things. I mean, we're not all promised tomorrow, right?
Friday, December 2, 2011
30 Days of Thanks-FAIL! (Pt. 1)
I started a 30 days of Thanksgiving, but I so did not finish it. There are days where wrote a lot and some days where it was just a sentence. I'm going to try to post some of them here.
10/6/11 (we started ours early for the Bobay Challenge at work)
Today I'm thankful to work for a company that values wellness. I've tried to take as much advantage of it as I can. Between the free gym & personal trainer to their willingness to pay for wellness activities (races, marathons, etc.) outside of work, I'm very fortunate. I see how much my friends struggle and stumble on their own & I'm fortunate to have someone my employer pays whose sole job is to help us live healthier lives.
Had I not been employed where I am or had to pay for any of this on my own, I doubt that I would be nearly as motivated to change or be healthier. Nor would I be as motivated to exercise. So, today I'm thankful for whomever it is in the Roll organization that decided their employee's wellness was a worthy investment. Without that person, I doubt I'd be where I am today.
10/07/11
Today I'm thankful for grilled chicken sandwiches. I know it sounds silly, but They're by far one of my favorites. I've always loved chicken. I blame it on my grandmother. She grew up on a chicken farm. Taught my mom how to cook a chicken about 200 different ways and then mom fed it to us as kids. So, I've always had chicken around me. Seriously, I think it's my favorite protein.
11/1/11
I say this every year on this date, but it's still true. I'm thankful for my dad. he does a lot for me and I don't tell him thank you nearly enough. He's such a good person and tries to help where he can and when he can. I'm a helpful perseon, but not nearly like my dad. He goes out of his way to help others (including me). He sacrifices a lot for himself to help other people out. Whether it's me, my brother or my mom, he's always our taxi and willing to help out. Also, today is his birthday. :)
11/02/11
Today, I'm thankful for a car that runs. This time last year, I didn't ahve a car that ran and was constantly having to get rides from people. I always remember that and how "stuck" I felt. Although it isn't the newest, flashiest or fastest car, it still gets me from Point A to Point B and has proven to be fairly reliable. It's fairly good on gas and I'm thankful for that too. It won't win any races or car contests, but it does its job.
11/03/11
Today, I'm thankful for extended family. Even family I don't know well. It's always good to be around family. I've grown up around my loud extended family and when i don't see them for long periods of time, I miss them terribly. My cousins are always there to cheer me up and make me laugh. we have different tastes and attitudes, but we always have each other's backs and support each other when we can. We talk on Facebook and text messages, but nothing beats getting together and having a good time visiting and catching up with one another.
11/04/11
I'm actually thankful for a good long run today. I had a terrible day today, but after 3.7 miles, I feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. Things aren't resolved and it doesn't sound like they will be for a while, but I'm grateful for long runs I can use to get out my aggression. It feels good to have a physical outlet for stress and I feel better afterward. Not only am I less stressed, but I'm less tense and anxious as well. It's the only thing I've found that really helps. I just clear my head and RUN.
11/5/11
I'm thankful for a mother who taught me the value of a dollar and how to spend it wisely. As I've lost weight, I've had to get creative with some things. I need some new clothes and I'm glad my mom has taught me how to budget my money and to look for a good bargain to make what money I have go further. She's also taught me to buy worthwhile things with my money and not blow it on frivolous things.
11/06/11
Today is a cheat day for me. Yes, I'm thankful for that too, but specifically, I'm thankful today for Braum's and their delicous caramel fudge sundaes with butter pecan ice cream. I haven't had one in MONTHS and finally had one today. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! When you eat healthy every day for so long, it just feels so good to cheat and have something so deliciously yummy.
11/7/11
I'm thankful for rain. It's so relaxing to fall asleep to the sound of rain and it's raining tonight. I don't think I've shared this, but I have problems sleeping sometimes. It's gotten better with regular exercise, but some nights it's still a struggle. Having the rain to listen to as I lay down is definitely helping.
11/09/11
It's a very easy one today. I'm thankful for the safe delivery of my nephew - Micco. He's early, but healthy. He and his mom are both fine. My sister-in-law was scheduled to be induced tomorrow, but he decided he was ready to come now. He's so adorable and tiny. I'm thankful he's here and that he and my sister-in-law is fine. I'm thankful to live in a country where there are plenty of medical personnel to help her give birth in a safe environment.
11/10/11
I'm thankful for my other nephew, Achena. He brings such a joy and a delight into our lives. Yes, I know I'm biased because I'm his aunt, but he's a fun little guy. Even to people we know, they all seem to get that joy from him too. He always makes people smile and is always in a good mood. Now, if he would only slow down so we don't have ot chase him all the time.
11/11/11
Two things I thought of today. I'm thankful for our Veterans. They serve and defend our country for very little pay for what they're doing. Some of them served without any choice in the matter. Some of them give their lives and limbs for our country. They're definitely more daring than me. I'm too chicken to even hold a gun or defend myself, much less to be trained to do all the things they are. Thanks to all our vets who have served the country.
I'm also thankful for my friend Joe. He is a really good person even if he is a little blunt sometimes. He's very sarcastic and has a dry sense of humor, but he's good to vent to and he's excellent at math. He's also very tall. I like to give him a hard time about that. His legs are 2/3 of my body! Seriously though, Joe has been a very good friend to me over the years I've known him. Today made me think of Joe because of his love of numbers and because it's a... oh the name of whatever that is that's the same frontward and backwards. I want to say metronome, but I'm sure that's not right. Joe I'm sure would correct me if he were here.
11/12/11
I'm thankful for the 2 Movie Guys for their Muppets movie ticket promotion. I won passes to see it a full week before everyone else. I'm SO EXCITED!! I love the Muppets and am super excited to see them on the big screen again. I've been SUPER looking forward to seeing this movie and can't wait!!
Okay, enough for now. I'll try to post the remaining month later today or in a later post. I did do it. I just didn't post it everyday.
10/6/11 (we started ours early for the Bobay Challenge at work)
Today I'm thankful to work for a company that values wellness. I've tried to take as much advantage of it as I can. Between the free gym & personal trainer to their willingness to pay for wellness activities (races, marathons, etc.) outside of work, I'm very fortunate. I see how much my friends struggle and stumble on their own & I'm fortunate to have someone my employer pays whose sole job is to help us live healthier lives.
Had I not been employed where I am or had to pay for any of this on my own, I doubt that I would be nearly as motivated to change or be healthier. Nor would I be as motivated to exercise. So, today I'm thankful for whomever it is in the Roll organization that decided their employee's wellness was a worthy investment. Without that person, I doubt I'd be where I am today.
10/07/11
Today I'm thankful for grilled chicken sandwiches. I know it sounds silly, but They're by far one of my favorites. I've always loved chicken. I blame it on my grandmother. She grew up on a chicken farm. Taught my mom how to cook a chicken about 200 different ways and then mom fed it to us as kids. So, I've always had chicken around me. Seriously, I think it's my favorite protein.
11/1/11
I say this every year on this date, but it's still true. I'm thankful for my dad. he does a lot for me and I don't tell him thank you nearly enough. He's such a good person and tries to help where he can and when he can. I'm a helpful perseon, but not nearly like my dad. He goes out of his way to help others (including me). He sacrifices a lot for himself to help other people out. Whether it's me, my brother or my mom, he's always our taxi and willing to help out. Also, today is his birthday. :)
11/02/11
Today, I'm thankful for a car that runs. This time last year, I didn't ahve a car that ran and was constantly having to get rides from people. I always remember that and how "stuck" I felt. Although it isn't the newest, flashiest or fastest car, it still gets me from Point A to Point B and has proven to be fairly reliable. It's fairly good on gas and I'm thankful for that too. It won't win any races or car contests, but it does its job.
11/03/11
Today, I'm thankful for extended family. Even family I don't know well. It's always good to be around family. I've grown up around my loud extended family and when i don't see them for long periods of time, I miss them terribly. My cousins are always there to cheer me up and make me laugh. we have different tastes and attitudes, but we always have each other's backs and support each other when we can. We talk on Facebook and text messages, but nothing beats getting together and having a good time visiting and catching up with one another.
11/04/11
I'm actually thankful for a good long run today. I had a terrible day today, but after 3.7 miles, I feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. Things aren't resolved and it doesn't sound like they will be for a while, but I'm grateful for long runs I can use to get out my aggression. It feels good to have a physical outlet for stress and I feel better afterward. Not only am I less stressed, but I'm less tense and anxious as well. It's the only thing I've found that really helps. I just clear my head and RUN.
11/5/11
I'm thankful for a mother who taught me the value of a dollar and how to spend it wisely. As I've lost weight, I've had to get creative with some things. I need some new clothes and I'm glad my mom has taught me how to budget my money and to look for a good bargain to make what money I have go further. She's also taught me to buy worthwhile things with my money and not blow it on frivolous things.
11/06/11
Today is a cheat day for me. Yes, I'm thankful for that too, but specifically, I'm thankful today for Braum's and their delicous caramel fudge sundaes with butter pecan ice cream. I haven't had one in MONTHS and finally had one today. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! When you eat healthy every day for so long, it just feels so good to cheat and have something so deliciously yummy.
11/7/11
I'm thankful for rain. It's so relaxing to fall asleep to the sound of rain and it's raining tonight. I don't think I've shared this, but I have problems sleeping sometimes. It's gotten better with regular exercise, but some nights it's still a struggle. Having the rain to listen to as I lay down is definitely helping.
11/09/11
It's a very easy one today. I'm thankful for the safe delivery of my nephew - Micco. He's early, but healthy. He and his mom are both fine. My sister-in-law was scheduled to be induced tomorrow, but he decided he was ready to come now. He's so adorable and tiny. I'm thankful he's here and that he and my sister-in-law is fine. I'm thankful to live in a country where there are plenty of medical personnel to help her give birth in a safe environment.
11/10/11
I'm thankful for my other nephew, Achena. He brings such a joy and a delight into our lives. Yes, I know I'm biased because I'm his aunt, but he's a fun little guy. Even to people we know, they all seem to get that joy from him too. He always makes people smile and is always in a good mood. Now, if he would only slow down so we don't have ot chase him all the time.
11/11/11
Two things I thought of today. I'm thankful for our Veterans. They serve and defend our country for very little pay for what they're doing. Some of them served without any choice in the matter. Some of them give their lives and limbs for our country. They're definitely more daring than me. I'm too chicken to even hold a gun or defend myself, much less to be trained to do all the things they are. Thanks to all our vets who have served the country.
I'm also thankful for my friend Joe. He is a really good person even if he is a little blunt sometimes. He's very sarcastic and has a dry sense of humor, but he's good to vent to and he's excellent at math. He's also very tall. I like to give him a hard time about that. His legs are 2/3 of my body! Seriously though, Joe has been a very good friend to me over the years I've known him. Today made me think of Joe because of his love of numbers and because it's a... oh the name of whatever that is that's the same frontward and backwards. I want to say metronome, but I'm sure that's not right. Joe I'm sure would correct me if he were here.
11/12/11
I'm thankful for the 2 Movie Guys for their Muppets movie ticket promotion. I won passes to see it a full week before everyone else. I'm SO EXCITED!! I love the Muppets and am super excited to see them on the big screen again. I've been SUPER looking forward to seeing this movie and can't wait!!
Okay, enough for now. I'll try to post the remaining month later today or in a later post. I did do it. I just didn't post it everyday.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Listening to your body
This seems to be a recurring theme in my life in the last few days. I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I'm going to attempt the half marathon in April. I'm scared and nervous and excited. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to try to walk it or run it. I'd like to run it, but we'll see if I'm there yet when I get there. Right now, I'm just going to say that I'm going to do it.
So, in this process, I'm trying to push myself as much as I can to work up to that distance. If you hadn't noticed, 13.1 miles is far. It's almost the equivalent of me walking/running to work one way. Craziness. And I'm going to attempt to RUN that? Insane. But, tell me I can't do something and I'm going to be determined to do it. That's all I need is someone telling me I can't do something and the stubborn and/or rebellion in me comes out and I want to do it. Especially when it comes to something like this. Again, I've had so many people tell me for so long that I can't or won't do something that I'm determined to prove them all wrong.
Well, apparently if you push yourself too much and you'll apparently wear yourself out. Although, I haven't injured myself (yet - Thank goodness!), I have irritated a muscle in my hip somehow. Okay, not somehow. I irritated it by overworking it. Last week my trainer had us doing 100 reps of different things and the leg lifts got me. The next day or two, I ran my usual 3-4 miles and on the third day we had a leg workout. I took the next day off, but the following day (Saturday), Mom and I went to An Affair of The Heart and walked for something like 5 hours. I wore my pedometer and when I did the math, it added up to like 4 miles when all was said and done.
I've been pushing myself, but I think last week I pushed myself too hard resulting in this wonky hip this week. I've been working hard to get in 100 miles for our 100 mile challenge at work (walk, run, bike or swim 100 miles in 31 days) and I guess I've been working too hard. I have my 100 miles now, so I can technically take it easy. I want to try to get my100 miles without using the 3.3 miles I get as credit for doing a class with my trainer, but I'm not sure my hip will let me.
The point here, I guess I'm going to have to listen to my body. Although, I have a boatload of energy and the will to do more, my body just isn't letting me right now. It's very frustrating. When I have extra time, that's what I want to do. It's hard to not move when that's all you want to do.
So, in this process, I'm trying to push myself as much as I can to work up to that distance. If you hadn't noticed, 13.1 miles is far. It's almost the equivalent of me walking/running to work one way. Craziness. And I'm going to attempt to RUN that? Insane. But, tell me I can't do something and I'm going to be determined to do it. That's all I need is someone telling me I can't do something and the stubborn and/or rebellion in me comes out and I want to do it. Especially when it comes to something like this. Again, I've had so many people tell me for so long that I can't or won't do something that I'm determined to prove them all wrong.
Well, apparently if you push yourself too much and you'll apparently wear yourself out. Although, I haven't injured myself (yet - Thank goodness!), I have irritated a muscle in my hip somehow. Okay, not somehow. I irritated it by overworking it. Last week my trainer had us doing 100 reps of different things and the leg lifts got me. The next day or two, I ran my usual 3-4 miles and on the third day we had a leg workout. I took the next day off, but the following day (Saturday), Mom and I went to An Affair of The Heart and walked for something like 5 hours. I wore my pedometer and when I did the math, it added up to like 4 miles when all was said and done.
I've been pushing myself, but I think last week I pushed myself too hard resulting in this wonky hip this week. I've been working hard to get in 100 miles for our 100 mile challenge at work (walk, run, bike or swim 100 miles in 31 days) and I guess I've been working too hard. I have my 100 miles now, so I can technically take it easy. I want to try to get my100 miles without using the 3.3 miles I get as credit for doing a class with my trainer, but I'm not sure my hip will let me.
The point here, I guess I'm going to have to listen to my body. Although, I have a boatload of energy and the will to do more, my body just isn't letting me right now. It's very frustrating. When I have extra time, that's what I want to do. It's hard to not move when that's all you want to do.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Some older posts:
As promised, the older posts from July to the present. I wasn't writing anything regularly until recently, so it's a bit spotty.
7/31/11
9/27
It's been so long since I've written anything to update this journey I'm on. I'm not sure where to begin.
I'm still running/jogging/walking every day, Mon-Fri. Right now, I'm going about 3-3.5 miles a day. Sometimes more. The other day I managed to find the energy for a class + 4.5 miles. I'm not sure where all that came from, but I was exhausted the next day.
My doctor is now aware that I'm exercising. He was pleased. Yes, I know that I should have talked to him about it first, but I figured since he was the one encouraging me to exercise when I saw him in February, that when I really started exercising in March or April, that he wouldn't mind and would have cleared me. He was pleased with my progress and to hear that I was working out with someone and not alone. More to the point, he was glad because my blood pressure is better than it's ever been and I've lost to date (as of Monday) 57 lbs! That's according to his records. I however, remember being heavier than what he's got in his records.
I've started going to class with Cody (our trainer at work) everyday that he's there - including the boot camp/advanced class. That class kicks my tail, but as much as I'm cursing and insulting Cody under my breath through it and hating him with every strand in my body, I know that it's good for me. I always feel it the next day. This last week, I'm not sure what we did, but it hurt for me even to stand on my tip toes because my calves and quads hurt so much. I hate it when I'm doing it, but I also love it. I know, it sounds crazy, but that's the truth.
As I'm losing weight, I'm figuring out just what's underneath all of this weight I've been carrying around all these years. I'm getting really excited to find out what's been under all these layers of fat all this time.
10/8
MAY-JOR milestone yesterday. I actually ran/jogged/whatever 5 miles. It took me 65 minutes, but I did it. I didn't know I had it in me. I am so incredibly proud of myself. AND I wasn't tired. You'd think I would be, but no. Not really. Even today, I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be. AND yesterday even after the 65 minutes, I felt like I could run some more, but I needed to go. I had somewhere to be and was out of time.
This is crazy. I guess it's true. You do what's required; then what's possible; before you know it, you're doing the impossible. No, not my quote. That's from St. Francis of Assisi. I'm sure that's not exactly right - the quote or the spelling, but you get the idea. I think back a year and where I was last October. I was struggling to walk a mile and here I am a year later and I'm not just walking, but running/jogging a mile. It baffles my mind. Seriously.
I've never been an athlete. Never. I was always the clumsy, fat girl. To see myself changing as I am is mind boggling for me. I never thought it would be possible that I could run 5 miles. Granted they were elliptical miles which aren’t' the same as running them on an open trail, but still... that's FIVE MILES and it was 65 steady minutes of vigorous physical activity. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I never thought I would be able to consider myself a runner and yet, here I am. Running. Or jogging. Whatever you'd like to call it.
When Cody told me he'd like to see me in the half marathon last year right after I finished the 5k, I told him he was crazy. Seriously, I thought he was insane. He had much more faith in me than I had in myself. He probably still has more faith in me than I have in myself, but I'm glad he does because it's his faith in me that keeps me going sometimes. Yes, I realize it's kind of his JOB, but I need him to do that sometimes. Getting back to my point, I'm beginning to see that in 6 months, yes, it's very possible that I might be able to run/walk the half marathon and FINISH. Again, it seems insane to me. Complete insanity, but I've already said I was going to try it, so I have to. If I really want to make myself, I could register now and seriously commit myself to doing it. However, I told myself that right now I would commit to train for it. In January or February, I'll make a final decision. Plus, my employer will pay for my registration - which is NOT cheap. It's something like $75. Yes, I'll let them pay for it.
The other thing that tells me I've turned a corner, I started scheduling things around my workout schedules. It isn’t even a question about whether or not I’m going to skip the class or my time to run/walk/workout. I just add that extra hour (and some days two) onto whatever time I get off work to put in my “sweat equity”. Like, when people ask me if I can do things in the evening, I know that the earliest I can be somewhere is no earlier than about 6:30 (maybe 5:30 or 6 if it’s a Monday or Friday and I don’t have a class). I’ve made it a priority.
The way I look at it is that yes, it’s selfish. However, I have to be selfish with my time when it comes to my well-being and my health. I have used and abused my body for the first 32 years I had it and now I’m trying to get it into the shape that it’s supposed to be for it to function properly. If it were someone who was sick or an alcoholic, you wouldn’t judge them or criticize them for going to the doctor or seeking treatment for what ails them. For me, this is my treatment and it’s up to me to make sure that it gets done. There aren’t a lot of people looking over my shoulder asking me why I wasn’t in the gym sweating it out. Well, maybe Cody, but anyone else wouldn’t pay it any attention if I skipped a day, a week or even a month. I, however, would know and would feel guilty because even if no one else is holding me accountable, I’m holding myself accountable.
There have been too many people along the way who have always told me I couldn't do something or expected me to fail. They don’t think I’m going to follow through with things. And it’s true. I’m horrible with follow through, but I’m working on that. I’m slowly but surely getting better at that. I’m realizing what I can accomplish and what I know I can do. I’m realizing my limits. Not that I can’t do whatever I put my mind to, but I also know what I can commit to doing – whether it’s going to take time, money or both and realizing that those are very precious things that I can’t waste. Maybe that’s just a part of growing up, but it’s what I’ve been learning most recently.
The other thing that tells me that I’ve changed, earlier today was the game I look forward to all year long – the OU-Texas game. I usually spend hours reading game analysis or reviews or previews online or watching video montages of previous games. Not only did I not do that this year, but even though I was excited about the OU/Texas game, I woke up more excited about the 5 miles I did yesterday on the elliptical than the game. If you would’ve told me last year or a few months ago even that I’d be more excited about that than the OU/Texas game, I would’ve told you that you were insane. However, it’s true. I thought more about getting closer to my next goal of a 12-minute mile than the OU/Texas game. Truly unimaginable a few months ago.
10/10
It’s rare that I have breakthroughs/insights 2 days in a row, but I do. Today’s insight? I got into jeans a former friend gave me that were THREE SIZES smaller than what I was wearing previously. Seriously. I was in the larger end of the “regular” plus sizes. I lost weight, but wasn’t quite into a smaller size yet last year when she gave them to me. They’re a bit of a squeeze, but I was able to get into them. I’m so proud of myself. I can’t wait until these are too big too.
Now comes the debate. Do I go ahead and get rid of my jeans that are too big now? I hate to get rid of clothes that I’ve barely worn.
If you think you're defeated, you are.
If you let something define you, it will define you as a person.
If you let something defeat you, it will defeat you.
It isn't just about weight loss. You have to let yourself think you're a thin person.
I have been fat all my life. As a kid, I was always the chubby one, or the big girl or the girl with the chipmunk cheeks. As a result, I had the mindset of a fat person. I didn't think of myself as just a person, I was a fat person. I had it in my head that I was a fat person and nothing else. No matter what I did or said, I was fat. Which was true, I was fat. However, did I have to be a fat music lover or a fat shopper or a fat Indian? Just because I was fat, it didn't have to hold me back from the things I wanted to do or let it define who I was as a person. It was a characteristic of me just like my brown hair or brown eyes or small hands. It wasn't me.
I was letting my fat define and defeat me. When I realized I didn't have to have that identifier as "the fat girl", the feelings of insecurity and defeat disappeared -- well, not completely, but they were so much better than what they had been. It took me 33 years, but I feel like I finally realized that I'm not just the fat girl. I'm Kelli. I have a name. I have feelings. I have thoughts, desires, passions - 99.5% of those that have absolutely nothing to do with food or eating.
You have to change your entire way of thinking. You can't just let yourself as the fat person. You really have to figure out who you are and what you love or what you're living for. Are you living for your next meal or are you living with purpose? What is your reason for living your life the way you do?
If you don't know or don't have an answer, don't worry. You don't have to know. I didn't know for a long time.
It almost feels like when it's cold in the winter and you have 15 layers of clothing on and all of a sudden, you take them off and not only can you move, but you feel things again. Which is a good and bad thing because you feel the good and the bad. So be prepared. It's a physical and emotional feeling. I'm still getting used to it myself. Once those fat goggles are off, the world is a different place.
For a long time, I always just felt like the fat girl in the room - and I probably was. I still am, but in my mind (at least now anyway), I'm the thin girl or even just the girl. The girl who started running and exercising.
I'm a slow runner, but I'm a runner. I don't have to be the fat runner, because if I keep running, I'm not always going to be the fat runner. Hopefully soon, I'll be the thin runner -- Oh, how I cannot wait for that day! I've actually come to love running. That sounds absurd even to me, but believe me, it's an addiction. On the days when I don't run or don't get up and move or do something, I can definitely tell a difference in the way I feel emotionally and physically.
I used to be embarassed to go to the gym because everyone in there was thin. But do you know how they got to be thin? They exercised. They were active. And not only that, they're not really paying attention to you anyway. If they look at you, so what?? You're not there for them anyway. You're there for yourself. You go and do what you can. If you can walk for 5 minutes, walk for 5 minutes. Do what you can. Babies aren't born knowing how to walk. They learn. They start learning how to hold up their heads. Then, they sit up. Then they crawl. Then walking and finally running. It's a building process. So is this journey into exercise.
You have to want to do this for yourself regardless of what others think or tell you. If someone tells you that you can't and you beleive them, then you can't. You allowed them to have control and you can't let them have control. You have to be in control of yourself and your mind. When I decided that I was going to do this, I didn't let much of anything hold me back.
Set yourself goals and make a plan to get to those goals. When you get to your goals, give yourself a small reward. This last week, I got a reward. I got myself a "Congratulations! You can consistently run a 15 minute mile" backpack to carry my gym stuff in. It's pretty and pink! It isn't necessarily about the reward, but the goal. Don't get me wrong, I love the reward, but it's more about reaching the goal.
Not that I have already reached [the goal] or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 3:12-14 HCSB
In the words of Nike, JUST DO IT.
(P.S. I told you I'm a slow runner. 15 minutes might sound fast to some, but in the world of marathon runners, it's slow and I eventually want to run a marathon. I'm not sure when, but I want to run a marathon. Maybe 2 years? 2013?? We'll see.)
9/27
It's been so long since I've written anything to update this journey I'm on. I'm not sure where to begin.
I'm still running/jogging/walking every day, Mon-Fri. Right now, I'm going about 3-3.5 miles a day. Sometimes more. The other day I managed to find the energy for a class + 4.5 miles. I'm not sure where all that came from, but I was exhausted the next day.
My doctor is now aware that I'm exercising. He was pleased. Yes, I know that I should have talked to him about it first, but I figured since he was the one encouraging me to exercise when I saw him in February, that when I really started exercising in March or April, that he wouldn't mind and would have cleared me. He was pleased with my progress and to hear that I was working out with someone and not alone. More to the point, he was glad because my blood pressure is better than it's ever been and I've lost to date (as of Monday) 57 lbs! That's according to his records. I however, remember being heavier than what he's got in his records.
I've started going to class with Cody (our trainer at work) everyday that he's there - including the boot camp/advanced class. That class kicks my tail, but as much as I'm cursing and insulting Cody under my breath through it and hating him with every strand in my body, I know that it's good for me. I always feel it the next day. This last week, I'm not sure what we did, but it hurt for me even to stand on my tip toes because my calves and quads hurt so much. I hate it when I'm doing it, but I also love it. I know, it sounds crazy, but that's the truth.
As I'm losing weight, I'm figuring out just what's underneath all of this weight I've been carrying around all these years. I'm getting really excited to find out what's been under all these layers of fat all this time.
10/8
MAY-JOR milestone yesterday. I actually ran/jogged/whatever 5 miles. It took me 65 minutes, but I did it. I didn't know I had it in me. I am so incredibly proud of myself. AND I wasn't tired. You'd think I would be, but no. Not really. Even today, I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be. AND yesterday even after the 65 minutes, I felt like I could run some more, but I needed to go. I had somewhere to be and was out of time.
This is crazy. I guess it's true. You do what's required; then what's possible; before you know it, you're doing the impossible. No, not my quote. That's from St. Francis of Assisi. I'm sure that's not exactly right - the quote or the spelling, but you get the idea. I think back a year and where I was last October. I was struggling to walk a mile and here I am a year later and I'm not just walking, but running/jogging a mile. It baffles my mind. Seriously.
I've never been an athlete. Never. I was always the clumsy, fat girl. To see myself changing as I am is mind boggling for me. I never thought it would be possible that I could run 5 miles. Granted they were elliptical miles which aren’t' the same as running them on an open trail, but still... that's FIVE MILES and it was 65 steady minutes of vigorous physical activity. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I never thought I would be able to consider myself a runner and yet, here I am. Running. Or jogging. Whatever you'd like to call it.
When Cody told me he'd like to see me in the half marathon last year right after I finished the 5k, I told him he was crazy. Seriously, I thought he was insane. He had much more faith in me than I had in myself. He probably still has more faith in me than I have in myself, but I'm glad he does because it's his faith in me that keeps me going sometimes. Yes, I realize it's kind of his JOB, but I need him to do that sometimes. Getting back to my point, I'm beginning to see that in 6 months, yes, it's very possible that I might be able to run/walk the half marathon and FINISH. Again, it seems insane to me. Complete insanity, but I've already said I was going to try it, so I have to. If I really want to make myself, I could register now and seriously commit myself to doing it. However, I told myself that right now I would commit to train for it. In January or February, I'll make a final decision. Plus, my employer will pay for my registration - which is NOT cheap. It's something like $75. Yes, I'll let them pay for it.
The other thing that tells me I've turned a corner, I started scheduling things around my workout schedules. It isn’t even a question about whether or not I’m going to skip the class or my time to run/walk/workout. I just add that extra hour (and some days two) onto whatever time I get off work to put in my “sweat equity”. Like, when people ask me if I can do things in the evening, I know that the earliest I can be somewhere is no earlier than about 6:30 (maybe 5:30 or 6 if it’s a Monday or Friday and I don’t have a class). I’ve made it a priority.
The way I look at it is that yes, it’s selfish. However, I have to be selfish with my time when it comes to my well-being and my health. I have used and abused my body for the first 32 years I had it and now I’m trying to get it into the shape that it’s supposed to be for it to function properly. If it were someone who was sick or an alcoholic, you wouldn’t judge them or criticize them for going to the doctor or seeking treatment for what ails them. For me, this is my treatment and it’s up to me to make sure that it gets done. There aren’t a lot of people looking over my shoulder asking me why I wasn’t in the gym sweating it out. Well, maybe Cody, but anyone else wouldn’t pay it any attention if I skipped a day, a week or even a month. I, however, would know and would feel guilty because even if no one else is holding me accountable, I’m holding myself accountable.
There have been too many people along the way who have always told me I couldn't do something or expected me to fail. They don’t think I’m going to follow through with things. And it’s true. I’m horrible with follow through, but I’m working on that. I’m slowly but surely getting better at that. I’m realizing what I can accomplish and what I know I can do. I’m realizing my limits. Not that I can’t do whatever I put my mind to, but I also know what I can commit to doing – whether it’s going to take time, money or both and realizing that those are very precious things that I can’t waste. Maybe that’s just a part of growing up, but it’s what I’ve been learning most recently.
The other thing that tells me that I’ve changed, earlier today was the game I look forward to all year long – the OU-Texas game. I usually spend hours reading game analysis or reviews or previews online or watching video montages of previous games. Not only did I not do that this year, but even though I was excited about the OU/Texas game, I woke up more excited about the 5 miles I did yesterday on the elliptical than the game. If you would’ve told me last year or a few months ago even that I’d be more excited about that than the OU/Texas game, I would’ve told you that you were insane. However, it’s true. I thought more about getting closer to my next goal of a 12-minute mile than the OU/Texas game. Truly unimaginable a few months ago.
10/10
It’s rare that I have breakthroughs/insights 2 days in a row, but I do. Today’s insight? I got into jeans a former friend gave me that were THREE SIZES smaller than what I was wearing previously. Seriously. I was in the larger end of the “regular” plus sizes. I lost weight, but wasn’t quite into a smaller size yet last year when she gave them to me. They’re a bit of a squeeze, but I was able to get into them. I’m so proud of myself. I can’t wait until these are too big too.
Now comes the debate. Do I go ahead and get rid of my jeans that are too big now? I hate to get rid of clothes that I’ve barely worn.
So someone is reading this.
Apparently, I do have readers. And more than just my mom and trainer. Well, if we're going by page views anyway. I feel a bit like Julie in Julie & Julia when she starts her blog. But according to blogger/blogspot, I have 40 page views.
Although, I had a bit of a freak-out moment yesterday. I forgot I had posted the link to this blog on my trainer's facebook page. Well, he's the trainer for the entire company (all 200 of us) and pretty much is friends with everyone who works with him on facebook. I'd forgotten I'd posted a link that included a thumbnail of my picture to the right for this blog when someone came up to me in the break room and said "Hey, I read your post the other day." Confused, I asked her what post she had seen because I had really only told 2 people that I'd posted a blog. Well, one really, but one of my other friends at work said he saw it and read it. So when someone I don't really talk to at work comes up to me and says that they read my blog, I freaked out a bit. Then after talking to her, I realized she'd seen where I posted the link to my blog on his facebook page and clicked through from there. It wasn't that I didn't want her to read it. Obviously, if I wanted it to be private, I wouldn't have posted it as a public blog. I just didn't realize someone was reading it.
That being said, I"m going to post some updates from prior to forming this blog. I'd written them as notes on facebook, but they weren't public or even made available to friends. I wasn't quite ready for people to see them, and I'm still not really sure I'm 100% there. Mostly because it's personal and I'm not really used to being vulnerable with people. There have been so many people who have hurt me in the past and it's hard for me to let that wall down and let people really get to know me. It's easy to show them my teasing, joking side, but to show people the real me is something quite daring for me to do. So, be gentle with me please. :)
Although, I had a bit of a freak-out moment yesterday. I forgot I had posted the link to this blog on my trainer's facebook page. Well, he's the trainer for the entire company (all 200 of us) and pretty much is friends with everyone who works with him on facebook. I'd forgotten I'd posted a link that included a thumbnail of my picture to the right for this blog when someone came up to me in the break room and said "Hey, I read your post the other day." Confused, I asked her what post she had seen because I had really only told 2 people that I'd posted a blog. Well, one really, but one of my other friends at work said he saw it and read it. So when someone I don't really talk to at work comes up to me and says that they read my blog, I freaked out a bit. Then after talking to her, I realized she'd seen where I posted the link to my blog on his facebook page and clicked through from there. It wasn't that I didn't want her to read it. Obviously, if I wanted it to be private, I wouldn't have posted it as a public blog. I just didn't realize someone was reading it.
That being said, I"m going to post some updates from prior to forming this blog. I'd written them as notes on facebook, but they weren't public or even made available to friends. I wasn't quite ready for people to see them, and I'm still not really sure I'm 100% there. Mostly because it's personal and I'm not really used to being vulnerable with people. There have been so many people who have hurt me in the past and it's hard for me to let that wall down and let people really get to know me. It's easy to show them my teasing, joking side, but to show people the real me is something quite daring for me to do. So, be gentle with me please. :)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Good Intentions...
Well, I intended on posting more last week or over the weekend, but it just didn't happen. For all 2 or 3 of you who might be reading this, sorry about that. I had a crazy weekend. It was fun, but busy. I guess I probably could've posted something on Sunday, but I was taking a much needed day of rest.
I'll admit. I was completely lazy over the weekend. I didn't do any intentional exercise. For my trainer who very well might be reading this, I'm sorry! Although, I did work pretty hard the rest of the days of last week and I was active, just no intentional exercise. Let me clarify - My cousins and I had a garage sale on Friday and Saturday. So, I did lots of moving around, lifting and walking. Just not any intentional exercise. Maybe that will be enough. I did map out a course to walk/jog in my cousin's neighborhood where we had the garage sale. I just didn't get to it. I was exhausted after being outside and moving all that stuff around. I did manage to eat a decent breakfast both days I was there as well - which is something I've been struggling with lately. I just haven't felt like eating breakfast lately. I'm not sure what's going on there.
Yesterday I made up for my lack of exercise Friday and Saturday. I ran/jogged 4.62 miles on the elliptical. My legs can feel it this morning too. They're not sore per se, but I can tell I used them after not using them for a lot over the last 3 days.
I'm right at the halfway mark for our 100 mile challenge at work. I wish I were further. I have more mileage I need to add on because I haven't done the math on my steps from my pedometer. I still haven't taken that retard pedometer back to Academy either. I absolutely loathe that thing. Bump it or nudge it or even let it sit horizontal instead of vertical and it resets. Something is wonky about that. Either way, I'm going to try to get in at least another 4 miles today plus a class at work. Since the class counts as 3.3 miles, I should be able to get in an easy 7 miles each day over the next few days.
It's still a bit of an absurd thought that I'm jogging/running/walking 3+ miles on a daily basis. I was telling my coworker and trainer the other day that I started the 100 mile challenge last year, but didn't finish. Even what bit I did get in, I wasn't getting enough mileage on average to have finished. This year, if I keep up the pace I'm at, I should finish ahead of the 30-31 days. That makes me so excited. How far one can go in a year. Not everyday is a good one where I get in as much as I'd like, but it's always at least 30 minutes and I can get in at least 2 miles in 30 minutes. I just have to remind myself that every day is as new day and a new start. We might fail one day, but that's the joy in it. There's a new day tomorrow.
I'm also thinking of posting some pictures/posts on temptaions. What do you think? I seem do better if I have someone to talk with about my temptations even if my readers might be imaginary...
Today, I'm really craving a sweet tea from McDonald's and ice cream. Ice cream's been one for me for the last few days, but I haven't had any on my cheat days. I forget. Ice cream and fast food breakfasts are what I miss. I'm not sure what the connection is there.
I'll admit. I was completely lazy over the weekend. I didn't do any intentional exercise. For my trainer who very well might be reading this, I'm sorry! Although, I did work pretty hard the rest of the days of last week and I was active, just no intentional exercise. Let me clarify - My cousins and I had a garage sale on Friday and Saturday. So, I did lots of moving around, lifting and walking. Just not any intentional exercise. Maybe that will be enough. I did map out a course to walk/jog in my cousin's neighborhood where we had the garage sale. I just didn't get to it. I was exhausted after being outside and moving all that stuff around. I did manage to eat a decent breakfast both days I was there as well - which is something I've been struggling with lately. I just haven't felt like eating breakfast lately. I'm not sure what's going on there.
Yesterday I made up for my lack of exercise Friday and Saturday. I ran/jogged 4.62 miles on the elliptical. My legs can feel it this morning too. They're not sore per se, but I can tell I used them after not using them for a lot over the last 3 days.
I'm right at the halfway mark for our 100 mile challenge at work. I wish I were further. I have more mileage I need to add on because I haven't done the math on my steps from my pedometer. I still haven't taken that retard pedometer back to Academy either. I absolutely loathe that thing. Bump it or nudge it or even let it sit horizontal instead of vertical and it resets. Something is wonky about that. Either way, I'm going to try to get in at least another 4 miles today plus a class at work. Since the class counts as 3.3 miles, I should be able to get in an easy 7 miles each day over the next few days.
It's still a bit of an absurd thought that I'm jogging/running/walking 3+ miles on a daily basis. I was telling my coworker and trainer the other day that I started the 100 mile challenge last year, but didn't finish. Even what bit I did get in, I wasn't getting enough mileage on average to have finished. This year, if I keep up the pace I'm at, I should finish ahead of the 30-31 days. That makes me so excited. How far one can go in a year. Not everyday is a good one where I get in as much as I'd like, but it's always at least 30 minutes and I can get in at least 2 miles in 30 minutes. I just have to remind myself that every day is as new day and a new start. We might fail one day, but that's the joy in it. There's a new day tomorrow.
I'm also thinking of posting some pictures/posts on temptaions. What do you think? I seem do better if I have someone to talk with about my temptations even if my readers might be imaginary...
Today, I'm really craving a sweet tea from McDonald's and ice cream. Ice cream's been one for me for the last few days, but I haven't had any on my cheat days. I forget. Ice cream and fast food breakfasts are what I miss. I'm not sure what the connection is there.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Well, here goes nothing...
For those of you who don't know me (and likely, most of you will know me), I'm Kelli.
There are 2 previous posts to this one, but they were really up there so I could post a rave/rant about when I got to meet a semi-famous singer about 3 years ago. However, I'm going to use this blog to hopefully blog and inspire others on the journey that I'm on.
About 6 months ago, I got tired of being fat. I've been fat all my life - or at least as long as I can remember. So much so that it's basically become a part of my identity (more about that later).
I've never been an athlete. I was always picked last in school for sports or teams. I tried to play softball one season when I was about 15 and failed horribly. So horribly that at the end of the season, I almost broke my nose and did break my new glasses and haven't played a game since.
I'm also very clumsy. I've always been clumsy, so I'm always falling or bruising myself somehow and don't even realize I've injured myself until I find a bruise in the shower or while getting dressed. Obviously, I remember falling, and I always manage to fall in some largely embarrassing way in front of a bunch of people.
Needless to say, because of these last two paragraphs, I never conceived that I would do anything seemingly athletic. Associating fitness with me is a definitely a new thing. Why I decided that I was tired of being fat all of a sudden, I'm not sure. I've never been happy with myself or my size. I probably haven't been since I was about 10 or 11 (about when I started to really gain weight). I just wasn't happy as a person either and decided to do something about it.
I'd signed up to do our company's "The Biggest Loser" competition. I had sort of started walking, but I wasn't doing it regularly. I might have gone once a week. Maybe. About at the same time, I got this goal in my head of doing a 5k. 3.1 miles seemed like such a long ways. Insanely long. But I got it in my head that I could do it.
I stared slow. Started walking what I could as I could. I started attending classes with the trainer at my job (more about that later as well). Eventually, I did work my way up to where I am now, but it took a lot of time and a lot of what I like to call "sweat equity". However, I know that with my hard work, I'm putting myself in better health and I'm also adding years to my life.
As I post more, I'll get more in depth with different things. I thought I should post something to introduce myself and what I'm doing here.
There are 2 previous posts to this one, but they were really up there so I could post a rave/rant about when I got to meet a semi-famous singer about 3 years ago. However, I'm going to use this blog to hopefully blog and inspire others on the journey that I'm on.
About 6 months ago, I got tired of being fat. I've been fat all my life - or at least as long as I can remember. So much so that it's basically become a part of my identity (more about that later).
I've never been an athlete. I was always picked last in school for sports or teams. I tried to play softball one season when I was about 15 and failed horribly. So horribly that at the end of the season, I almost broke my nose and did break my new glasses and haven't played a game since.
I'm also very clumsy. I've always been clumsy, so I'm always falling or bruising myself somehow and don't even realize I've injured myself until I find a bruise in the shower or while getting dressed. Obviously, I remember falling, and I always manage to fall in some largely embarrassing way in front of a bunch of people.
Needless to say, because of these last two paragraphs, I never conceived that I would do anything seemingly athletic. Associating fitness with me is a definitely a new thing. Why I decided that I was tired of being fat all of a sudden, I'm not sure. I've never been happy with myself or my size. I probably haven't been since I was about 10 or 11 (about when I started to really gain weight). I just wasn't happy as a person either and decided to do something about it.
I'd signed up to do our company's "The Biggest Loser" competition. I had sort of started walking, but I wasn't doing it regularly. I might have gone once a week. Maybe. About at the same time, I got this goal in my head of doing a 5k. 3.1 miles seemed like such a long ways. Insanely long. But I got it in my head that I could do it.
I stared slow. Started walking what I could as I could. I started attending classes with the trainer at my job (more about that later as well). Eventually, I did work my way up to where I am now, but it took a lot of time and a lot of what I like to call "sweat equity". However, I know that with my hard work, I'm putting myself in better health and I'm also adding years to my life.
As I post more, I'll get more in depth with different things. I thought I should post something to introduce myself and what I'm doing here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)